This was a tough book to read as any memoir about physical and emotional abuse would be, but it’s even more difficult to digest, knowing that the abuser and his actions were protected and defended over and over by the church, its pastors, religious doctrine of male patriarchy and female submission. 

When young girls like Tia are denied an education, denied books and ideas beyond their church reading list, denied access to a broader community, and denied information about healthy relationships, they have no foundation on which to safely enter a marriage– emotionally, psychologically, physically. 

It’s true that plenty of non-religious women are trapped in abusive or unhealthy relationships in which they are gaslighted into believing they are the problem: not good enough, not smart enough, not worthy enough. But when that person is brave enough to seek help, we hope someone will step in. 

But in Tia’s case, the church women, deacons, and pastors told her over and over to pray more, repent more, submit to a husband who was not just abusive but mentally unstable. In the end, it was an Eastern Orthodox priest and his wife who came to her rescue, refusing to accept her husband and his abuse as anything less than dangerous. 

And it was Tia’s writing that led her out. First by discovering an online women’s forum and then by blogging, and eventually by writing her story in posts which then morphed into this book. She needed many years of trauma therapy along the way. 

She’s now an anti-fundamentalist influencer and educator on multiple platforms writing not only about women’s freedom (to think, to be educated, to earn an income) but also about Christian patriarchy’s influence in current politics, including the current administration’s “dominion ideology to make America a theocracy” (268) and to run the country the way fundamentalist Christians run their families: men in charge, women submitting. 

On her social media posts, she warns young women about the prolific posting– especially on TikTok–about “idyllic” trad life. She explains that it’s true we live in a challenging world with scary climate change, political uncertainty, and AI + automation taking over jobs which leads to career uncertainty. But targeting young women with images of beautiful wives baking bread, caring for farm animals, tending to cute babies, and looking toward their gorgeous, fit husbands (who clearly make a solid income) is not a common reality. The message is life can be so easy! Avoid the complicated world!  You don’t need an education or information.You just need to find a man to take care of you. But as Tia and many others discover, it’s hard to pay the bills–even living frugally–on a single income, unless that income is substantial. And it’s even harder to know that without an education or skills, a woman’s options are extremely limited. Gen Z needs to see these posts for what they are: advertising and propaganda, preying on anxieties. 

Levings’ writing is at its best when she’s telling her story, recreating powerful moments and conversations as well as so many tender scenes as a mother to her 5 children. Toward the end, her writing gets repetitive as she’s reflecting, almost like she’s journaling. I think these sections could have used better editing/condensing for a book. That’s true of many memoirs, and I’m used to skim reading when that happens.

Tia Levings’ Fundie cheat sheet:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iuEqs3jnwtm6wpvNwN6hbCtnF1HhM8UH/view?usp=drivesdk